Poems

Amazeballs Gal - A Homolinguistic "English-to-Slang" Translation of Maya Angelou's "Phenomenal Woman"

  Hella fine bitches wonder where my low-key secret lies.
  I’m not smol or built to suit a twiggy model’s size
  But when I start to spill the beans,
  They reckon I’m bullshitting.
  I’m like,
  It’s in the swoleness of my guns,
  The extra thicc of my hips,
  The swagger of dem legs,
  The curve of my piehole.
  I’m a gal
  Amazebally.
  Amazeballs gal,
  That’s me AF.
  
  I strut into a pad
  Just as chill as ya plz,
  And to a dude,
  The fuckboys stand or
  Fall down on their knees. YAS QUEEN!
  Then they buzzzzzzzzzz around me,
  A hive of [INSERT BEE MOVIE SCRIPT].
  I’m like,
  It’s the flame war in my facetits,
  And the flasher of my chompers,
  The sway in my muffin top,
  And the booyah in my internet fetish.
  I’m a gal
  Amazebally.
  Amazeballs gal,
  That’s me AF.
  
  Dudes themselves have wondered
  What they WITNESS in ME.
  They experiment a ton
  But they can’t find
  My inner clit.
  When I give them directions,
  They’re like they still can’t find it.
  I’m like,
  It’s in the curve of my back,
  The evil daystar of my shit-eating grin,
  The ride of my hooters,
  The grace of my swagger.
  I’m a gal
  
  Amazebally.
  Amazeballs gal,
  That’s me AF.
  
  Now ya dig
  Just why my noggin’s not tapped out.
  I don’t PREACH or sproing about
  Or have to holler hella loud.
  When ya WITNESS ME strutting,
  It ought to make ya feel #PRIDE.
  I’m like,
  It’s in the clickity-clack of my pumps,
  The curve of my mop,
  the Pamela Hand,
  The need for my aftercare.
  ’Cause I’m a gal
  Amazebally.
  Amazeballs gal,
  That’s me AF.